Can we continue a friendship with the same person who we have been so passionately in love with?
You have spent months, years, or maybe even decades together with one person. You have made memories and then it came to an end. However, the thought of them leaving your life for good is a scary feeling. You have loved this person truly. Therefore, you want that person to be happy with or without you.
It sounds loving and romantic. But is it really possible?
It seems impossible to form something truly platonic with a person who you have been in love with after you have faced many betrayals and so many disappointments.
Is it easy to deal with a breakup? Don’t you think? deciding to be close to your ex will bring you a painful feeling.
No matter how solid you are, you still need time to grieve like a usual person. You have lost the person you love and that love would not exist anymore.
However, a little research has examined motivations for friendship between ex-partners after romantic relationship dissolution, according to that if someone wants to be friends with their ex-partners, that person might be having some series personality issues.
According to science, ex-partners who are trying to make friendships could be a psychopath.
The study, performed by researchers at Oakland University, observed at the personality traits of 861 subjects, as well as their relationship histories. They were asked about their current partners and whether they were friends with exes, then given a questionnaire to determine narcissistic and psychopathic qualities.
As a result of the study, those who showed dark personality traits, similar to psychopaths, Therefore, reported being more likely to stay in contact with former lovers – for several worrying reasons.
Psychopaths seem to appear normal. You would probably never guess there was something wrong with them.
A psychopath is a person with an antisocial personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse.
Researchers also found that having exes around provides the opportunity for the psychopaths to still get access to certain resources, such as information, money, or sex.
Furthermore, they also do not like when their ex-partner is having a relationship with a different person. Therefore, they think that being friends can influence their former partner’s other relationships in some way. Psychopaths are very charming and hook their victims with great intensity.
According to Dr. Mallett, when a psychopath appears to be friendly or to have an emotional connection one should not be fooled: “They are the social snakes in the grass that slither and smile their way into your life and emotions,” she says.
According to Dr. Paulette Sherman, a psychologist and author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out, “Dating is hard enough without everyone thinking that every time your ex-wants to stay friends that they have psychopathic tendencies or motivations in mind. Having said this, it is an interesting finding in that it points to the intentions of some people for continuing that relationship. They may be interested in doing so for selfish motives like continuing access to sex, information or other practical gains. They may not be thinking of the emotional impact on their ex.”
As per Dr. Sherman’s view, he warns against assuming all of your exes are psychopaths.
“Having said this, I have seen some clients choose to stay friendly or friends with their ex for normal and even altruistic reasons. These clients want the best for their ex, they enjoy their company and know how to have clear healthy boundaries regarding being friends and not having sex or making unreasonable demands. Many times they are no longer attracted to one another, are both in other relationships and respect those respective partners. This is not always an easy thing to do but it can happen and it’s important not to think that all exes who want to stay friends have psychopathic tendencies or motivations.”
Every relationship is different. If you to remain friends with an ex, it is not a good idea. You do have to agree with science on this one. The best way to move on from a relationship is to unfollow your ex from every possible way. you may want to consider this new research a warning.
Do you agree with this? Please share your thoughts.
I am a Business Management graduate from the University Of Staffordshire (UK) and a qualified personnel officer who completed the National Diploma of Training and Human Resource development at Institute of Personnel Management (Sri-Lanka).
Apart from my professional career in the field of HRM, I am also a freelance writer of web and business contents.